Am I Mad at God?

Just reading this title, I am sure you all are probably thinking that this is going to be related to our fertility. Actually, it is not. I mean, I guess it is, but not in today’s reference. I hate saying that sometimes I am mad at God, but it’s true. I am sure we have all gone through that. Someone told me once that your relationship with God is just like any other relationship? Have you been mad at your spouse? Yes. Have you been mad at your mom? Yes. Have you gotten over it and moved on? Yes. Same goes with God. It’s ok to be mad at him. He’s a big boy, he can handle it. The thing is, you just can’t stay mad at him.

My husband has been having  a hard time coming upstairs to bed. He always falls asleep on the couch and I get angry when I wake up in the middle of the night and he is not upstairs with me.  And as to not air my husband’s dirty laundry, I’ll leave it at this. I pray. I pray. I pray to God to help him remember to come upstairs when he feels tired.

Last night, I was angry with God. I was angry that this happens all the time. I was angry. God, I am asking…why am I not receiving? I am seeking you and your guidance….why am I not seeing good resolve?

As I attempted to fall back asleep and upon waking up this morning, I had the lyrics to the song by Hillsong in my head called “Oceans”: Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders. That part just kept playing over and over. I always wake up with some random song in my head that I am sure is attributed to a dream I had the night before or maybe a song I heard right before bedtime, but I couldn’t figure this one out. We hadn’t sang it at church in a while. It is on my playlist but not one that I have listened to recently. Then I had to take a step back and look at those lyrics….spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.  That’s it! Trust without borders. Our trust for and in God should be limitless. It should be more than I think I can ever give. I should just walk through life and just know that God has got me, so I don’t even have to worry about anything. That’s what I needed. Was that song, that part of that song in my head coincidentally? Probably not. I think that was God saying, Linds…follow the spirit. Ask it to lead you. You will see that my trust is limitless and that it’s always there.

I know that it’s hard to remember this when our prayers don’t get answered at the exact second we pray them or when we want them to, but it’s important to remember that God hears them and remembers them. Can you imagine the number of people praying all day every day? That’s a lot of prayers that God has to tend to. Is one more  important than the other? Not to God, they’re not. He is the one who decides what we get and when we get it.

So, even though it may be a work in progress for my husband and our communication when it comes to his sleeping patterns, I know that God is working behind-the-scenes to make sure this prayer is answered and that our demons are cast aside.

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